Of Nigerian Men and their secretive charm..


“What I have heard about Kenyan men makes me very angry, if Kenyan women were to come to Nigeria, you Kenyan men would not have any women to marry.”

That was a conversation over lunch made by our Nigerian friend. The Kenyan men were still in shock, many could not believe that this man had cooked all this food by himself, there was rice, spaghetti, fish sauce, chicken, gizzard sauce, beef sauce and some salad. And can I add that it was pretty tasty too!? Yes it was.

Anyway back to men, there was a sort of revolution among some Nigerian men, their fathers had not been good fathers, neither had they been good husbands to their wives. Instead of following in their fathers footsteps, they chose to take the path less travelled. They chose to be better men, Godly men, good and present fathers, good boyfriends and most importantly good husbands. This is not to say that they are perfect but they recognize that every day is a chance to become a better person to their better halves.

A lot of Kenyan men have been raised in a different century, they are still applying 20th Century tactics for the 21st Century lady. They are still stuck to the methods their fathers and grandfathers used. They believe a woman’s place is in the kitchen, some won’t even eat unless their wives cook! I have heard of a  man who makes his wife leave the office every lunch time to cook lunch for him. (I personally acknowledge that as madness, sorry but it is madness). They leave early and come home late to demand food that they will not eat, they cannot help with the house chores, they cannot even make tea because they believe that it will make them less of a man, they have become strangers to their own wives and children and they believe that providing money is all that is required of them. When their kids stray they lay blame on the mothers as though God did not give them an equal role in raising their children too!

The men have refused to recognize their roles as men, Godly men. They instead get advice on how to run their families from drunk men in the bars, as if alcohol has ever had any good advice to give. A man once said that he decided to beat his wife because that is the advice he was given by his friends at the club as a way of disciplining his wife, you think this is outrageous? You haven’t heard anything yet. Women, about men who drink, a man once told us that if your boyfriend drinks alcohol, he won’t stop when he marries you, in fact with each kid you get, the more the bottles increase, you might want to think about that. Steve Harvey goes on to say that “a man who beats a woman is a coward, most times you will find out that he is not able to hit fellow men.” Hitting has never been equal to love.

Men it is time you decided to change, for the better, choose the path less travelled, love your wives and girlfriends truly, love your families and kids and make time for them. Learn how to cook and surprise your wife ever so often, help around with the chores, it makes both of your lives less stressful and much more fulfilling. If you see your wife getting fat and you don’t like it, sign her up for a gym and go with her to give her motivation instead of whining and complaining. Learn how to read the bible and pray with your family, they say that “a family that prays together stays together”. Spending times with the boys is not bad, but it should not be an everyday kind of thing, you are married to your wife not your boys. Be open about money, plan together on how to spend your money, secrets concerning money are recipes for disasters. Learn to give gifts to your wives, they don’t have to be expensive but they have to be thoughtful. Forgive, forgive, forgive, both of you are human beings who are bound to step on each others’ toes every now and then. Forget the silent treatment, that is kiddish, yes I said it kiddish, because that is what we used to do when we were kids and our parents made us angry.Never beat your wife, NEVER.

Men it is time for you to man up, and if you think this is too difficult, Nigerian men do it hehehe (I am serious btw), but honestly if you think it is impossible, you clearly don’t believe in a great God.

These were the wise words of our Nigerian friend, his wisdom to the men was beyond this but this is what I could capture. But before I am branded a feminist, women, be the one that the one you are looking for is looking for and constantly pray for your future spouse, that they will be all that you want in them and more, those already married or in a relationship pray for your significant other constantly, prayers work.

Now choose the path less travelled, you will see your relationships and marriages change for the better.

*ps I am not married, these are the words of a married man, with a bit of chipping in from me.

 

 

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